That is what it comes down to. You can either be Better or Bitter. Sounds cliche. I know.
But, it’s true.
If you internalize your hurt, it will turn to Bitterness, tainting all of your thoughts and emotions. Resentment, Anger (it’s ok to be angry for a short amount of time, I’m not talk about that, I’m talking about the dangers of Anger controlling you), and sometimes Rage, will follow, and before you know it, you are rotting from the inside out. Everything looks fine on the outside, but your core is hollow, empty of happiness and life.
A. Big. Empty. Void. (like the tree above)
You don’t want that.
It’s your choice, Bitter or Better? Rot or Grow?
If you choose better, you have to make that choice everyday. It’s not just a one time thing.
Here’s a hint…it get’s easier every day.
Ok real talk: I made a decision early in the turmoil of my parent’s divorce that I didn’t want to live my life bitter and angry at my Dad. I didn’t want to risk the chance of those toxic feelings seeping into my own marriage and relationships. Life’s too short to waste it on Bitterness and Anger. Deciding to not be Bitter or Angry, doesn’t mean you’ve let the person hurting you win, it means that you value your life and you want better for your heart and mind.
There is a small span of time between the shock of devastating news and when it’s time to start putting yourself back together.
It’s called the “Mourning Period”.
This span of time is crucial to any and every healing process. You must go through it no matter how small or large the hurt.
If you don’t, if you push it off till another day, it will come back with vengeance and wreak havoc on your emotional and mental health.
People don’t like the Mourning Period.
Don’t focus on healing. Focus on being sad. Sounds counterproductive right? Well it isn’t. In order to get your heart and your mind ready for healing, you must mourn your loss. The severity of the tragedy directly related to the time needed to spend here.
During this time, cry, shout, scream, sleep…wallow. Be sad for what you have lost. When I heard about my parent’s divorce, I wailed, screamed and bawled…over and over.
It’s ok. Really, it’s ok to take some time and be sad for the wonderful thing that you’ve lost. It’s. O. K.
It is crucial that you have a support group as they will help you get out of the Mourning Period…but more on that later.
Major tragedy? Check.
Support person/persons? Check
Now go cry.
” I am here for you.”
To a hurting person, this phrase is the salve to a burning and emotionally wounded heart.
We crave connection.
Especially when we’re hurting.
Not knowledge, not advice, not a formula to solve our problems…but true, honest, genuine connection.
In our society, we’ve lost the “human” element in the grieving process. We’re so quick to skip the sad part that we don’t heal properly. Maybe because those around us act awkward and don’t help with the grieving. Everyone is quick to advise on what book to read, exercise plan to start, video to watch, beverage to drink….mere bandaids.
The next time you encounter a hurting person, and you are brave enough to help, all you have to say is that simple phrase, but only if you mean it.
Hugs help too.
With every conversation, especially with those who’ve hurt you, you must ask yourself “Is what I am about to say going to hurt or heal?” if the answer is hurt…don’t say it, you will regret it and delay the healing.
Speak life into everyone at every opportunity.
Use your words to create, not destroy.
The grass is always greener where you water it.
Happiness is a choice.
What if you spent as much time on your relationships as you did on facebook?
Relate. Connect. Grow.